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| M i s c . D e b r i s |
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L Y N X P H I L O S O P H I S I N G
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There is not much here for the moment--I am just starting to write this. What this will represent is in a way my own personal
philosophy. How I view the world, how I wish to comport myself, how I want others to treat me. Whether these are naive views or not, we shall see.
I can only hope, and sometimes dream.
What it all eventually boils down two is three, key items:
Be Honest
Be Fair
Be Kind
Those three can essentially sum up they key to all the eventual ramblings (which will expand on each of these). However, also
contained within these are various other little bits, such as to be considerate, be caring, be equitable
do not assume, and do not be a hypocrite (which falls into honesty, I know).
Some of these fall into two or more of the main 3 catagories, some are a little special on their own.
I think I must add one. Do not humour me. I hate being humoured. Don't do something just because you think you must appease me, or that I might get a kick out of it.
It's that honesty thing again. Do it because, not only do you think I would like to, but because you want to as well, and because you'd like to share the activity with me.
That is the start. In time, I will elaborate on these. Please check back often.
Starting to Elaborate... (yes, I do realize this is written as a bunch of dos and don'ts, but read it not like some list of rules, read it instead for the deeper
meanings of thought, psyche and behaviour... )
BE HONEST
Plain and simple: Tell the truth, as much as possible. Hey, simple rule, but surprising at its lack of place in our society, it seems. Do not lie for your own gains, or say things just because you think I want to hear them.
If you think I'm a bore, tell me so. If you do not want me to talk with you,
or you don't want to talk to me, then tell me. If you have decided I'm a git, I can only know if you tell me. If you want me to go away, or you have moved on in your life to better things and people, and
I'm not part of those, by all means, say so. To put it simply, if you don't like me (or don't anymore), TELL ME. Ditto if something has changed. If something I've done bothers you, present it to me.
Be honest about who you are, what you like, what you do, and what you feel. Don't hide things that need not be hidden. Taking another approach would be in the realm of the critique: do say what you truly think about
my work, me, my attitude, etc. Sugar coating for the sake of nice-speaking me is not proper. When you look at something I've done, and I've asked for your opinion, then tell me all you actually feel about it, even if it needs serious work.
If I believe something that isn't right--whether it be about an item/place/time, or about the depth of a friendship--then by the spirits, do absolutly correct me. Speak honestly.
BE FAIR
A companion to the above. When you tell me off, do so for a fair reason, and give us a chance to talk. Don't spew a pile of accusations or venom, than log-off or hang up in a huff, without a chance for
me to even figure out what you may be fully talking about, let alone even have a chance to respond. At the other end, please don't tell me to go to hell, without any reasons why you wish me to dissapear.
Be fair in your critiques, arguments, complaints, blasts and attacks. I would also hope those reasons are fair reasons. Be honest, yes, but hate me for good reasons, not just because. Tell me off with good reasons and with thought,
but don't just tell me off. Don't open fire without knowing all the facts. Why spring straight to attack if you don't know everything that is going on?
Give a chance to put items out in the open, and give a chance for some interchange about them. So it's a tripple-point.
BE KIND
Some people think 'being honest' and 'being kind' are mutually exclusive. This is FALSE. You can be brutally honest, without being cruel. There are plenty of ways to give feedback that don't constitute slamming, beating, whatever.
Constructive criticism can be kind and truthful at the same time. Say what is honest, but do so in a kind manner. When you tell me that you never want to see me again, do so in a kind way. Being fair helps
this already a great deal, but even then there are ways to be nice about it all. Broadsiding someone out of nowhere is certainly not the right way to go about it.
Being kind also extends into the everyday realm of personal intereaction. Unless they are an enemy, or somone you feel deserves your animosity, there is no reason to treat people like the dirt under your feet.
This certainly is better covered in the multiple items below, but the basis lies here. Why talk down to someone, or be snarky? (unless in jest)
Hey, I know it's one of those kindergarden rules that's been told to you before, but respect and courtousy can go a long way, n'est ce pas?
DO NOT LEAD PEOPLE ON
I hate being led on... this falls under all three of the above catagories, really. Obviously honesty, but fairness and kindness are built in as well. Don't say things or lie to people, leading them on to believe
something that isn't really. Whether that be what you feel about them, about their work, about themselves, about their chances, or anything. If you put in their name for a job, and the boss tells you they won't get the job, let them
know. Don't lie to them and get their hopes up, they may postpone other plans or do things based on what they percieve is a good chance.
Telling them you like their work, be it drawing, writing, whatever, when you don't, or you simply take their work and edit it to hell later on. Don't dangle a false carrot in front of them for a thing that will never happen.
Even worse, though, is leading people on in friendship, or more. Even if there was
something before, or a chance of something, and things change--either you no longer feel them a kindred spirit, you've jumped ship for someone / somewhere / something else, whatever--INFORM THE OTHER PERSON. Especially if they
have little other way of discovering the change. Nothing is worse than discovering one day that a person you thought was a friend actually doesn't give a rat's ass about you anymore. Or that chances have changed, and
what you've been believing for a good while has been a lie. While Nietchze can help to an extent, it still is painful. And while it causes anger towards the offending party, it also creates self doubt. It's cruelty. To put it another way, the truth may hurt, but lies and falsehood HURT MORE.
BE CONSIDERATE
Think about the impact of what you say and do on others. Think about what the actions of others may mean as well. Even if what you are saying doesn't necessarily directly involve the person with whom you are with, it can have an impact
on them, it can have meaning to them, it can reflect on them, it can elevate or crush them. Care about what the other person may think or feel from your actions or your speech.
Remember that both actions and words can speak volume, especially when it is not direct. What do I mean about this? Actions and words that are not directed specifically can often
indicate more, or have more impact, than a carefully worded poem or planned event. They can often seem 'more true', more honest. Because of their spontenaety, the real you comes out, that is the perception.
That does not mean, by any stretch of the imagination, that planned action is a bad or dishonest thing. Quite the contrary. As another angle, then, be aware of the actions of others and what they do, say, or present to you.
Maybe they put a lot of thought into it. Maybe it has a significance, or they hold it dear. If they bring a film down with them to watch with you, maybe that film holds some meaning or power for them, and they want to share it with
a friend. If you don't like the film, see the above rules of honest/kind/fair. If you do like the film, then certainly proclaim it. Either way, do be aware what the action of sharing the film may mean. Just as an example.
There are plenty of other things too, and sometimes, there may be no meaning. But at least consider that fact.
To sum it up, and to add another layer, just be aware of the other person. No matter what the exact situation may be. If someone is visiting you, don't start something with a local friend that leaves your visitor behind, or worse,
put them in a situation where they are forced to look at the ceiling, or leave the room, or to have to generate their own interest. If you want to express something, think of the impact it may have on others, those around you.
If you have to leave, do something, etc, don't just take off on your friends, do the proper goodbyes. This actually requires a second element...
COMMUNICATE
Hey, we can't read minds. Well, least I can't. You gotta communicate ALL of what I talk about here. And it is a great part of being considerate. Tell someone when something is going to happen.
Inform about snags, or current events, or current feelings. Let them know if you have to go, how long you'll be gone. Talk, write, plan... being silent accomplishes nothing!
DON'T ASSUME
This one fits in well here. Do not just automatically believe that others will understand, figure things out, or will want to do something, or will allow you to do something.
Hey, just ask, or inform! It fits in with many a thing above, especially communication, and other catagories, depending on the situation. Don't just assume someone will understand or will
get the picture that you do not harbour any friendship for them anymore. On a lesser level, do not assume someone will know you are under a lot of stress somewhere, and may be quipped and curt.
Do not assume you can take, borrow, copy, or use something from someone. Don't assume they know how you feel. Communicate, be considerate, ask, and just be sure.
BE EQUITABLE
Another one where the title gives it all away. Its like being fair, but it deals more with the more material, be it trades, barter, payment, etc.
Giveth and Receiveth. Split payments fairly, make deals fairly, offer items in exchange if possible, etc. Not much else to say, but important nonetheless. AND it can have
impacts on other topics mentioned here. Certainly will have an impact on other's perceptions of you.
BE CARING
A bit of a vague heading, I guess. Care about your friends, else don't call them friends. Help them out in a bind. Hear them out, and help them out during their tough times.
Don't be a fair weather friend, leaving your friends behind when they are down, just because hey, you're feeling great. Don't scoff at their problems. Be concerned for their well
being. Sometimes give in return for nothing. Help out. Do things for them. Cuddle. Think about your friends often, even during the everyday routine. If you come
accross something that may be of interest, send it their way, or direct them to it. I'm sure you can think of plenty others. Of course, communicate it.
DON'T BE SELFISH
Quite simply, in other words, don't just think of yourself, don't do things just for yourself and don't use people. Don't suddenly start talking to a 'friend' when things are not
going well for you, and you need a shoulder to be supported on... then turn your back on them and say narry a word to them once things go well for you. And then come back when all is bleak.
Don't just do things for yourself. Yes, remember to consider the fact that it is another sentient person on the receiving end of your in/actions. Forcing them to do something
just because you want to... well, that is not kind. Equitable falls here too... all take and no give sucks.
Help others out as they help you out. Return attention and affection when you can.
Obviously, this has serious ramifications for those who like to be the centre
of attention ALL of the time. Pay attention to me, and I won't pay attention to you does not cut it. Everyone wants to feel special, wants to have attention payed to them, and sometimes wants to
be preened over. Sometimes we can indulge in that, sometimes others will oblige to us.
But to demand or take it all of the time, with never any return can quite eventually lead to bitterness.
DO NOT HUMOUR
I hate being humoured. Do not do something just because you think you must appease, or that they will get a kick out of it.
It has to do with honesty. Do it because, not only do you think I would like to, but because you want to as well, and, perhaps more
importantly, because you'd like to share the activity with me. That's about all that needs be said.
DO NOT BE A HYPOCRITE
I will 100% admit, that is is a real sore spot for me, and that I am very sensitive to this. But even so, I would still think that this is a most important item. Yes it falls
under honesty, but it is beyond that. It is also well known, and quite simple. Do not do one thing, while saying another thing, or vice versa. Do what you say, and say what you do.
I have had a few to many encounters with hypocritical people, those who harp or preach something, or simply complain and act hurt by something, and later on you discover that it is all false, that they themselves have engaged in such actions.
It is all bullshit, for they are doing exactly what they are expousing against. Sometimes it occurs in the future too... where they'll do one thing for quite the time, then
complain later on about the same behaviour from you. Even worse, is when they LIE about it, lie about their past actions to put the dagger into your ribs. (Well, I always understood when you
were busy, can't you understand that I am now?) Either way, it's bullshit, its insulting, and it can totally destroy any trust.
GIVE CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE
While not strictly the same as everything else on this page, it is something that I feel strongly about, and I nit over. And yes, I get mad when it doesn't happen to me.
If someone does something, acknowledge their work or contribution. If you use a quote, attribute it to them. Never claim work as your own that most certainly isn't!! You can claim you
compiled it (if you did), you can claim you paraphrased, you can claim plenty, but certainly give mention of those who helped you get there, whether it be a work cited list (in the case of a piece of critical writing, or thesis)
or by mentioning who's work you used. Another part of the spectrum: if someone does something that is seen by others, or if it goes beyond the call of duty, let everyone know.
Obviously these can both apply in a work situation/environment as well as in the everyday.
Certainly, you all noticed I gave credit on this home page for whom gave me the inspiration for its design. Right on the front.
Caveats? Ohhhhh, you betya! Read the next section...
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