There are several different types of love, each of which are appropriate for certain times of someone's life and inappropriate for others.  Each are enriching in their own way and each demands something from you. Despite what everyone thinks, love isn't just being nicey-nice to someone all the time.  In fact there are times when doing that shows a lack of love.  I'll explain this point in the different types of love explained below... First we have child love.  Child love is the easiest, yet it is also the hardest to grow out of and the least rewarding... it is also the most selfish type of love.  As a child we get all the love we want from our parents.  They love us so much that they take care of us even when we do things that are less than deserving of that love.  We do very little in return and give very little back.  Child love is a love that's expected more than appreciated, but there comes a time when one must exit from this just as there comes a time when  a child must become an adult. Next comes the love of friends.  Friend love is an equal love and a forgiving love, but it also has limitations.  You give as much as you take, but you focus more on giving than about the taking.  You also develop an aspect of love that did not exist in child love, that is loving someone so much that you choose to be honest with them, and you LISTEN when a friend is being honest to you.  Loving a friend is understanding when they point  out something wrong or hurtful about you, that they are saying it BECAUSE they love you, and not because they want to smash your feelings.  Selfishness is not part of friend love. Then there is spouse love.  Spouse love is a bit like friend love, but there is even more selflessness and more sacrifice.  Not only should you be able to listen to everything like friend love, but now you are REQUIRED to listen and be honest.  You must have ultimate trust and ultimate  respect.  This is a love that must hold firm when you are angry, hurt, sick, or tired.  Your goal is now for the greater good of a marriage and not just for yourself.  You must make sacrifices for the first time and do things you might not want to.  It is no longer about what you want.  The word 'Mine' doesn't belong in a marriage.  You are now part of a team, and selfishness hurts a team.  You must be prepared to comfort your partner when you'd rather be playing around and having fun, you must be willing to give up things that you'd rather be doing in favor of things that can be done together.  Money must now go towards the greater good of the marriage, the same with work, and the same with what you do with your life.  No more frivolous toys, no more partying anytime you want, no more doing what YOU want to do all the time.  Your goal should now be to make your spouse happy.  that means helping them when they're down,  being honest, and being mature. Finally there is parental love.  Parental love means that you must be willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of your child.  You must be willing to give all you have and get nothing in return.  It also means that you must be fair, and this means punishing a bad child and handling the abuse they might sling at you because they don't understand.  This love should only be used on children, and should only be expected from  parents.  If an adult loves another adult with parental love than quite often the love of a child will be the only love the adult will know.  Love will be a thing of getting things out of instead of the larger thing it was meant to be. I see so many cases where someone wants to experience or give a certain type of love... but it's the wrong type for the wrong situation.  An adult should not expect love like a child.  An adult should not tolerate child love from another adult. The biggest difference from each type of love is how much you give and how much you get, both physically and spiritually.  The stronger the love gets, the less selfless it is.  sometimes loving someone is knowing that you have to do something that will hurt them because you know they need it.  Like when a father punishes his child or a husband reprimands his wife.  You don't take on friends to get a free meal ticket, you don't get married to have  someone to take care of you, and you don't have children because you want a new pet to play with. The biggest threat to love is selfishness.  In a friend it's the person who takes without asking and the person who hurts his friends feelings without caring or does not listen when his friends try and be helpful.  In a marriage it's the husband who prefers to watch football or who goes out drinking with his friends every night and leaves his wife to do all the chores.  Or it can be the wife who henpecks her husband until she gets her way or barricades her husband from everything he likes because she wants to mold him into something she wants.  It can also be the father who shields his child from every danger and temptation in the world and does not allow his child to grow up. There are so many types of love... you should really try and experience them all, and don't mistake one for the other.  The easiest thing to do is to give, but give what  is needed and what will help.  Don't take more than what you need, and try and put something back.  It's also a matter of humility... to listen without getting angry, to take advice without taking it personally, and to understand that love isn't just about a free meal.  Love can be the hardest thing to attain in the world, but in the end it's the most rewarding, and the only thing that really matters. -Genesis Whitmore 02-99 Click here to go back