04-13-99 I was walking through my house and slipped, banging my elbow on a metal folding bedframe we have for guests.  I slammed my funnybone into it REEEALLY hard and for the first time in a loooong while I felt a pain that brought me to tears.  Ow... owowowowowow. Nothing was broken, but I had a big lump there for a couple of days  and my arm felt wonky.  Scott says I probably crushed a nerve. I can talk about this part now that the scare's over, but for the past several weeks I've been worried that I might be pregnant.  I was about a month late for that little monthly thing that reminds me that I'm NOT pregnant and was starting to get worried.  It's not that I don't want to have kids, I just don't want to  have them NOW.  I bought a pregnancy test, along with a purchase of a box of Whitman's Chocolate left over from Easter (that way I could either celebrate or console myself).  One line would be negative, two would be positive... five minutes later... one line.  I was relieved. On Tuesday JohnB got home from Canada and bought Scott and I dinner at Hops.  Apparently spending time  in Toronto reminded him of how much he loved Orlando and how keen his friends down here were.  the guys ordered a pitcher of beer and John lamented about his adventures.  His work visa was a breeze to get, and now John's decided to try for his green card next.  He's a hard worker and a smart guy... plus he speaks ENGLISH.  Unless John told you he was Canadian you'd be pretty sure he was an American. The rest of the week went pretty dull.  Work... more work... go home... work on the web page... work s'more... Friday I got a second confirmation that I was not pregnant.  If you don't know what it is, think about it. That night Scott,  JohnB and Tim Gouge went to see The Matrix.  I stayed home and worked on my web page, but Jordan and his wife came down and broke the monotony for me jes' a tad.  We grabbed dinner at Subway (Thanks Jordan!) and hit the comic book shop.  Nothing new, although I did manage to snag a copy of the first edition rules to Werewolf fairly cheaply.  I could care less about the rules, I just like the art. On the way home I loaned Jordan my copy of the Final Fantasy Eight soundtrack.  I think he liked it. Saturday I got antsy and wanted to go someplace for breakfast.  We chose Cracker Barrel and sometime around noon headed out there.  I've always loved their breakfast, especially their pancakes which are usually crisp on the outside  and soft on the inside.  Scott was engrossed in a book so didn't talk much, but I more than made up for it. As usual I could not clean my plate.  I managed about 1/3 of my plate.  So I boxed up the leftovers (2 pancakes and 2 pieces of bacon) and headed for Jordan's place for Saturday roleplay.  Jordan worked on some last minute projects while Scott read and I drew; then Jordan inhaled the rest of the pancakes... it was impressed.  Later the rest of the players hustled in and we had a fairly good game.  During that time I inked a picture of Gen looking at her bleeding hands and another of Gen drinking a coke.  The bleeding hands picture looks angsty, but it's actually a positive thing for me.  I've held on even when it hurts, when it would have been  easier to let go.  It hasn't been easy, it hasn't been fun all the time either, but I've perservered.  I also know that there's blood on my hands.  I'm no cleaner or better than anybody else.  But I can look at the blood, at my wounds, at my scars... and maybe I can help someone else... and maybe the marks will remind me the next time I decide to play 'holier than thou' or 'I'm better than the world' that I'm no saint either.  It may sound self-depreceating... but  I've found that living this way has made my life more joyful.  A life of pride and blindness is no life for me.  I know my wounds, some of them bring be joy, some of them bring me sadness, but all of them teach me.  You truly do have to go through bad times to fully appreciate happiness. Sunday I kept hammering on my web page until sometime around 11PM I got the latest version  up.  the hardest thing to put together was my links.  I didn't think it would be such a pain... but the annoyance was compounded by the fact that my editor crashed right in the middle of things.  I recovered, but lost over an hour's work.  Bleaugh.  Also for some reason a background won't take on some of the pages.  I'll probably try to re-upload the whole thing from scratch and see if that fixes anything. I don't remember much from Sunday evening.  I made up some cornish hens I'd had soaking in some hawian marinade (I think I like teriyaki better) but Scott didn't get home from classes until about 9PM and wasn't hungry, so I had a bunch of chicken left over.  Luckily I didn't have to cook the next day thanks to this. Monday I decided to  mess with Grim Fandango, wherein I learned the lesson that you cannot have your cake and eat it too.  My graphics card somehow causes a fault with my HTML editor, but unless I have excelleration on the game is choppy.  So I could either edit or play, not both.  I finally chose to play a little bit... and then the game crashed.  I think I crashed as well.  I also had some  errands to run like taking Scott's computer in for repairs and running a check downtown.  When I got back my cat was in extra paranoid mode and cried whenever she was left alone.  I'd give her some treats, pet her and carry her into the computer room with me... and then she'd leave, forget where I was, and would cry again.  My cat's stoopid, or maybe she's just a brat. Later I  figured I'd scan the picture of Gen drinking a coke... and found that my scanner was acting uppity with my computer again.  I went into the BIOS and tried to fix it from there with no luck, so I tried to go to the scanner company's web page... odd, it wasn't responding.  I returned to the BIOS and attempted to bend the parallel port to my will but to no avail.  finally I even tried disconnecting the printer and running the scanner on the port alone -- nothing.  Ever feel like putting your fist through a wall?  Well, I wanted to put my fist through a building by this time. I went hunting across the web for a better scanner driver, and it was several searches later that I found out WHY I couldn't access the website.  It was because the company was no longer in business.  There was however a final driver and an update for it.  Praying, I  downloaded it and installed everything.  I'd yet to reboot but the scanner still wouldn't work.  Unfortunately I was in the middle of GMing something online and couldn't quit just yet.  I wouldn't know if it had worked or not for a few hours... After completing my work online I rebooted, placed my sketchbook in the scanner... and.. IT WORKED!  Woohoo!  For how long I won't know until later, but for now it worked and I'm happy.  Unfortunately I was in too much of a dour mood that evening because of other things to be useful for anything. My husband had business in West Palm Beach until Wednesday night.  On the 26th we'll have been married for two years, and I still miss him terribly when he goes away.  The house just seems so much bigger and quieter  and more lonely without him.  I like my moments of solitude, probably more than I should, but I still like knowing there's someone asleep next to me at night or someone I can complain about the week to or share the latest gossip with.  Someone I can hug and kiss and tease.  Sigh... until Wednesday then... Click here to go back!